My secret... shhh...

... well, one of them anyway... I may have a few ;)

My secret?? I am 33 years old.. (& no, that's not the secret.. shocking, I know... but, not the secret;)

I'm 33 years old and for the first time in my life, yes the first time in my life... I'm not scared to be home alone at night. It probably sounds crazy & perhaps it is, but I have always lived with someone and rarely have stayed home alone at night. I mean, I went from my moms house to living with my ex-husband at 17 and I became a mother at 20 years old. I was such a paranoid first time mother, I didn't even let the girls stay with anyone overnight for years! Once they did start having play dates and sleepovers with family, I always made the most of my evening off by going out with friends or out on a date. I mean, we did live in the ghetto for 12 years and I never would have admitted it while I was there, but being alone in that neighborhood, in that house, was frightening.

It's true, the girls and I lived alone for a bit. However, the girls always made me feel safe. I know that sounds even more crazy because they are just little girls, but I always know I'm safe with them. They are both such incredible and amazing creations of God, I knew he'd always keep them safe. Therefore, if I am caring for them, I am needed. So, I was safe as well. Not to mention, I always had to make them feel safe as well and you know the saying.. when you fake something long enough, you feel it. So, my motherhood bravery overruled my fears when the girls were around.

So, why am I bothering to reveal this embarrassing secret now?? Well, my daughters are out of town for a few days. They are staying with family in MD & although I miss them like crazy!! I was, admittedly, bored out of mind this afternoon. However, with Jonathon leaving for work this evening, I am feeling relaxed and ready for bed. I'm not worried about being alone.. I am relishing in it!! I finally feel safe in my home and in my life. I left behind so much drama in MD that WV is not only physically safer, it is absolutely serene for my soul!!

Please, if you have stopped by to read my secret.. let me know I'm not alone!! Are there any other parents (especially mothers) that don't really know who they are or what to do without their children?? Any other adults, without kids, that have always lived with someone (parents to roommates to spouse) and still get the hebee-gebees when you're home alone overnight??

If you can't relate... you, at the very least, owe me a secret of yours =)